yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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