Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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