I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
