my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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