Your tits are I can't wait for
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
