But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
