Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
