Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
