im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
