my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Buhtt sex?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
