I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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