so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
