Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
