dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
