so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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