Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Don't make out with my wife yet
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
she looked like the before picture.
We got so high we made milksteak
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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