a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
