I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
