people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
