so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
