And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
