id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
