I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
