he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Randomize
