YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Michael Bay diarrhea
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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