I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
