normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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