chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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