You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
