when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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