i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
