I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
