Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
