Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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