How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
