I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
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All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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