Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
