Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
