Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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