Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize