When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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