ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Let's get the cat blown out
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
