Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
