Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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