someone threw a dead crab at me
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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