these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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