I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
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They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
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Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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