so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
