Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
