saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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