Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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