it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
