An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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