Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
