Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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