Having a random hookup so left but love u
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
