it wasn't lemon gatorade
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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