you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
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Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
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Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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