What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
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there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
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You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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