this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
