His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
how does that bad decision feel?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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